Last weekend I confessed that I’m an extroverted introvert. I have always felt uncomfortable in social situations. I would prefer to crawl into my shell and remain unnoticed most of the time. But my discomfort at these situations comes out as behavior that people identify with being an extrovert. I start talking and I can't stop. I will keep going and going and going. I engage in conversations, sometimes dominating them. I will tell stories and reminisce with the best of them. I do this because if I stop, I probably won't start talking again. I will most likely withdraw.
I make a conscious effort to engage and stay engaged. This quirk of my personality has carried over into my writing. I started writing just over a year ago. Since then, I have not stopped. I’ve been working on short stories (so far I have averaged one every other month being published) and a novel. I'm constantly turning stories over in my mind. The characters talk to me in a constant babble. I write the stories in self defense.
Writing has helped me with the introvert part of my personality. I can put these stories out in print and it allows me to express myself in a more controlled manner. It helps me with structuring my inner self and that in turn helps me write better stories. It’s a constructive self perpetuating cycle.
The only downside to this process is that the introvert keeps telling me that I’m a phony, trying to play in the major league. Imposter syndrome. My inner voice keeps telling me that I’m just fooling myself. I have had some of my stories referred to as brilliantly funny. The introvert hears, “well you don't completely suck”.
I know this isn't the case. I trust the opinions of those who tell me that I’m good. I’m better when I have an editor, which this blog doesn't have. Therefore I have decided to listen to the outside voices and tell the inside voices to take a hike.
I’m working my way toward becoming an Introverted Extrovert.
IMHO, "imposter syndrome" is a term some idiot long ago used to explain the doubt apprentices feel that our work isn't good enough. 😔 Someone shared the "talent -- taste gap." Our taste will always be better than our talent, no matter what. We'll always feel that our work isn't good enough unless we remember that we get some objective feedback. I almost didn't submit my 1st short story to RacPress, but several people I respect told me to try.
We creatives need to stop comparing ourselves with other, more experienced creatives. Compare yourself with who you were last year, last month, last week. That's who you're in the race with. Yourself.
"Are you good enough, Matt?"
"[censored] no! But my work is good enough right now to begin reaching audiences." 🙂 "Next month, it will be even better. And I'm not stopping there." 👍
Interesting fact to keep in mind when that imposter syndrome hits:
Imposters rarely experience imposter syndrome.
So paradoxically, if you're feeling like an imposter, you probably aren't!
Ultimately, it's a feeling that you don't belong. Rest assured, you are weird enough that you are, definitively, part of This Tribe of people who wander through waking dreams to discover Story.